i’m in the usa with my mom. the second day i was here i made her laugh. she said she hadn’t been laughing like that in a long time. i let her sleep in my bed even though it makes my own sleep crooked, because she says she feels safe and calm with me. soon we’ll be apart again. i cry every night because when that happens i won’t be able to be with her to make her happy. and she deserves to be happy. i wish i could do more for her. her unhappiness makes me so sad it’s unbearable. i just wish i could do more.

as death approaches I stay here, restlessly thinking

could somebody please beat the flip outta me next time I start reading about child murders resulting in me not being able to do anything else for hours because of the shock?? thank

anyway being born in Italy but as a daughter of filipinos and still not feeling like identificating myself neither as italian nor as filipino is quite a struggle. it’s as if I feel like I don’t fit anywhere. idk, maybe I’ll explain better another time but like, imagine being born in Italy, having the italian culture but not being recognised in Italy as a “true” italian and then going to the Philippines and being immediately classified as “not filipino” 

I developed an obsession with Matteo Garrone’s Dogman and every now and then after like a week I watched it at the theatre I still see the scenes in my head and look at Marcello Fonte’s face and I get closer and closer to the details each time. there’s this strong sense of humbleness in his expressions. I think his was the most intense interpretation I have seen in idk a lot of time and when I saw him winning at Cannes my heart pounded. anyway if you have any chance and think you could do it (it’s a cruel movie), watch the movie. there was something so powerful I still haven’t metabolized it

passato le ultime giornate sul punto di scoppiare a piangere

uklonskovite:

it’s friday and I’m still recovering from last saturday’s encounter with a guy who was trying to lecture me about feminism lol and saying bullshit such as:

• “I don’t believe EVERY girl you know got harassed on the streets at least once.. even the unattractive ones? nah”
• “I feel a lot more threatened than women, being a man. our lives are a lot more dangerous”
• “if feminists are for gender equality they should create centers with free treatments not only for women but for men too” uhm excuse you if there is a need for gender equality it means that this equality is still not there so of course you need to recover starting from the disadvantaged pole but also if you’d like to build a center for men just do it but I’ll tell you what: apparently there is no need for them, that’s why you don’t have them
• “rape culture is bullshit. I know about research that show that men receive harassment from women the same amount as women do from men, if not even more. and women get A LOT of support of they talk about it, while men don’t.”
• “I think Asia Argento and the other celebrities like her were just seeking attention because you cannot speak about something that happened 20 years ago, you don’t have any proof, you just ruined a man’s life. she just wanted notoriety” uhm if you’re Dario Argento’s daughter there’s no need for “more notoriety” lol and also wow that is so great to have attention from people insulting you and saying you’re telling lies about being sexually harassed!! wow
• also he was repeating stuff like “Asia Argento and the other women celebrities like her received a lot of support trust me, I’m the only one that thinks they lied and they just wanted notoriety” and I was so nervous I just told him “oh trust me, sadly you really aren’t the only one. you’re no special snowflake”

there was actually more but I think this is enough for you to get what I mean when I say that this conversation made me sick and depressed. I don’t even know why I tried so hard to talk to him even though his brain closed every communication channel with me and was just saying the same bullshit in repeat

tbh tho I feel so sorry for him because.. his life must be so sad? I met him as a friend of some friends, and he’s always considered a pain in the butt when he starts discussing about relevant topics such as this one, because his opinions are always shocking and also he’s full of bullshit to say, so people just silence him and exchange topics (maybe I should’ve followed their suggestion lol). after we discussed he was shaking saying “ah you’ve made me so nervous I re-opened a wound I had..” and was also trying to make peace by doing the childish little finger thing. before this argument we would talk normally but then of course I became automatically cold for the stuff he said. at some point talking to other peers he said “tonight I’ve lost a friend, but at least we discussed about it”, as if nobody ever listens to him. idk he seems so miserable I’m really sorry about that. I wish I could do something but I can’t bear to be with someone with such a mindset.